🚧 STORE UNDER CONSTRUCTION — SHIPPING FROM SUITE 2B ABOVE GARY'S DRY CLEANING 🚧 ALLOW 6–8 WEEKS 🚧
WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL
SUCK IT CONSULTING
MERCH STORE™
Premium quality merchandise for IT professionals, their victims, and anyone who has ever called a help desk.
🔥 FEATURED PRODUCTS 🔥
HOT
👕
Unisex. Available in most sizes. Smells fine.
$29.99
★★★★★ (312)
HOT
🧥
Ideal for anyone named Dave.
$49.99
★★★★★ (204)
HOT
👩‍💻
She would have. In 45 seconds. For $14/hr.
$27.99
★★★★★ (417)
HOT
11oz ceramic. Dishwasher safe (probably).
$18.99
★★★★★ (531)
👀 VIEW ALL 30 PRODUCTS »
📦 ABOUT THE STORE

Welcome to the Suck IT Consulting Merch Store!! Launched in March 2003 after Dwayne had the idea during a particularly slow help desk week (which is every week). All products are printed/made with care and shipped from our headquarters in Paramus, NJ.


We currently offer clothing, mugs, and desk accessories. A "gift bundle" section is planned for Q4 2003. Dwayne has not started working on it yet but it is on the roadmap (the roadmap is a Post-It note on the wall of Suite 2B).


⚠️ All items ship from Suite 2B, Above Gary's Dry Cleaning, Paramus NJ. Allow 6–8 weeks. Dwayne packs all orders personally, between client calls. This explains the 6–8 weeks.

🆕 NEW ARRIVALS
NEW
🎽
For the brave. The lucky. The survivors.
$24.99
★★★★★ (88)
NEW
🧢
Unstructured. Like our scheduling.
$22.99
★★★★★ (143)
NEW
🥛
Kyle. Missing since August 2002. Please call.
$34.99
★★★★★ (203)
NEW
🦠
⚠️ Do NOT fill with actual viruses.
$21.99
★★★★★ (67)
💬 WHAT CUSTOMERS ARE SAYING
★★★★★
"The 'NOT THE DAVE' hoodie arrived and it is very comfortable. I am not Dave. I never was. The hoodie confirms this legally (I think)."
Verified Customer, Hackensack NJ
★★★★☆
"The Zip Disk coasters are ironic AND functional. Took 9 weeks to arrive. Dwayne said 6-8. He was close. Taking 1 star for the extra week but it was worth it."
Linda, Accounting Dept.
★★★★★
"Bought the World's Okayest IT Consultant mug as a gift for our actual IT guy. He stared at it for a long time. Then nodded. Five stars."
Carol, Paramus Dental Associates
★★☆☆☆
"Package arrived smelling faintly of dry cleaning. I assume this is normal given the address. T-shirt is good though."
Anonymous Customer
💳 ACCEPTED PAYMENT METHODS:Check (made out to "Dwayne Krupczak"), Money Order, Cash (left in envelope under Gary's door marked "For Dwayne"), Zip Disk (must be pre-formatted), Credit Card (Dave handles this — email first to confirm Dave has not done something with it).
Servers: DOWNFax: UPEmail: DOWNDwayne: LUNCHHold Music: PLAYINGSKIT-HDS v1.0 Beta © 2026 Suck IT Consulting
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