🩺 SUCK IT CONSULTING — IT SELF-DIAGNOSIS WIZARD™ v1.0
Answer the questions below honestly. Based on your answers, we will tell you what is wrong with your computer and provide an itemized estimate. Diagnosis is free. Treatment is not free. By using this tool you agree to our terms and conditions (we do not have terms and conditions — this is just here to seem official).
Analyzing... please answer honestly.
What is your computer doing right now?
Please select the option that best describes your situation. If none apply, select the closest one.
💡 NOTE FROM DWAYNE: This wizard was built by me personally over one weekend in June 2001. It covers the most common issues. If your problem is not listed, please call us. We charge $150 to look at it and then tell you to call someone else if it is beyond our capabilities. Our capabilities are broad.