💼 OUR SERVICES & PRICING 💼
At Suck IT Consulting, we believe in transparent pricing*. Below you will find our complete rate card. All prices are subject to change without notice, and usually do. Emergency rates apply after 5 PM, before 9 AM, during lunch, and on days when Dwayne doesn't feel like it.
*transparency not guaranteed.
🖥️ BREAK/FIX SERVICES
| Service | Description | Price |
|---|---|---|
| Plug It In | We drive out and plug in your device. Very complex. | $275 |
| Turn It On | We press the power button. Itemized separately from “Plug It In.” | $275 |
| Reboot | “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” — We do this for you. | $150 |
| Paper Jam Removal | We remove one crumpled corner of paper from Tray 2. Takes 45 mins. | $350 |
| Wrong Printer Selected | We click the dropdown and select the correct printer. | $225 |
| Screen Upside Down Fix | Ctrl+Alt+Arrow. We bill this as “display calibration.” | $199 |
| General Computer Sadness | We look at it, nod, and say “yeah” a lot. Then invoice you. | $400/hr |
🌐 NETWORKING SERVICES
| Service | Description | Price |
|---|---|---|
| Cable Run | We run an Ethernet cable directly across your carpet. Very tidy. | $199/cable |
| Router Setup | We plug it in and name your Wi-Fi “SUCK IT CONSULTING WAS HERE.” | $350 |
| Wi-Fi Password Reset | We change it and write it on a Post-It. On your monitor. | $125 |
| Explain Wi-Fi to CEO | A 2-hour meeting. We use the word “packets” a lot. | $300/hr |
| Network Audit | We walk around with a clipboard. We find 17 “critical issues.” | $4,999 |
| Fix Issues From Audit | Quoted separately after the audit. Always more than the audit. | CALL US |
🔒 SECURITY SERVICES
⚠️ WARNING: Your computer probably has viruses RIGHT NOW. Don't look it up yourself. Just call us. Trust Dwayne.
| Service | Description | Price |
|---|---|---|
| Virus Scan | We run the free version of Norton and tell you what it finds. | $299 |
| Virus Removal | We click “Remove All.” We also do this for $299. | $299 |
| Password Policy Setup | We suggest Password123! as your company standard. | $500 |
| Firewall Installation | We install it and immediately open every port for “testing.” | $750 |
| Security Assessment | We generate a 47-page PDF. Page 3 says “buy more from us.” | $2,500 |
💾 BACKUP & RECOVERY
| Service | Description | Price |
|---|---|---|
| Backup Solution Setup | We configure it to back up to a Zip disk in the server room. | $899 |
| Backup Verification | We say “looks good” without checking it. Monthly retainer. | $299/mo |
| Data Recovery | Only needed after a failed backup. Coincidence. Priced accordingly. | $3,500+ |
| Recover Data We Deleted | Special pricing. Please don't mention this to your lawyer. | CALL US |
🌟 MANAGED SERVICES (MSP) PLANS
BRONZE
$499/mo
✅ Unlimited calls to Dwayne
✅ 4–6 week response time
✅ Monthly “looks fine” report
❌ Evenings and weekends
❌ Actually fixing anything
✅ 4–6 week response time
✅ Monthly “looks fine” report
❌ Evenings and weekends
❌ Actually fixing anything
SILVER ⭐ POPULAR
$999/mo
✅ Everything in Bronze
✅ 2–3 week response time
✅ Dwayne's cell (voicemail)
✅ Free Zip disk (1 per year)
❌ Guaranteed uptime
✅ 2–3 week response time
✅ Dwayne's cell (voicemail)
✅ Free Zip disk (1 per year)
❌ Guaranteed uptime
GOLD 🔥 ENTERPRISE
$2,499/mo
✅ Everything in Silver
✅ 1 week response time*
✅ Quarterly site visit
✅ Commemorative mousepad
✅ We learn your name
✅ 1 week response time*
✅ Quarterly site visit
✅ Commemorative mousepad
✅ We learn your name
*Dwayne permitting
💡 NOTE FROM DWAYNE:All prices are in US dollars and do not include tax, travel fees, parking validation, or the cost of Dwayne's lunch if the job runs long. A 20% “complexity surcharge” may be added at our discretion. It is usually added.