⚠ CLASSIFIED — RESTRICTED ACCESS ⚠
Authorized Personnel Only — Dwayne K. (Self-Authorized) — DO NOT DISTRIBUTE — ESPECIALLY NOT TO DAVE
Authorized Personnel Only — Dwayne K. (Self-Authorized) — DO NOT DISTRIBUTE — ESPECIALLY NOT TO DAVE
⚠ NOTICE: These documents relate to the Events of June 2001. Viewing constitutes acceptance of Non-Disclosure obligations. If your name is Dave, close this browser immediately. If you are Kyle, we need to talk about your login.
📄 INCIDENT REPORT — June 19, 2001 SEALEDDoc ID: SIT-2001-0619-A
INCIDENT REPORT — SUCK IT CONSULTING INTERNAL
Date: June 19, 2001 Time: Approximately PM
Location: Server Room (Suite 2B, above Gary's Dry Cleaning)
Reported by: Dwayne K., Senior IT Technician
At approximately PM, employee accessed the backup server using credentials belonging to . The resulting caused irreversible loss of client records spanning weeks.
Azure spend at time of discovery: $ .00
Dwayne's whereabouts at time of incident: AT LUNCH (documented, receipts available).
Current status:
Root cause:
Remediation:
Note from Dwayne: “I told him not to touch the . I said this clearly. Brenda also said this. He anyway.”
Date: June 19, 2001 Time: Approximately PM
Location: Server Room (Suite 2B, above Gary's Dry Cleaning)
Reported by: Dwayne K., Senior IT Technician
At approximately PM, employee accessed the backup server using credentials belonging to . The resulting caused irreversible loss of client records spanning weeks.
Azure spend at time of discovery: $ .00
Dwayne's whereabouts at time of incident: AT LUNCH (documented, receipts available).
Current status:
Root cause:
Remediation:
Note from Dwayne: “I told him not to touch the . I said this clearly. Brenda also said this. He anyway.”
📄 EMPLOYEE SEPARATION — David TERMINATEDHR-2001-06-19
NOTICE OF EMPLOYMENT TERMINATION
Employee: Dave Title: CTO (June 12–19, 2001)
Effective Date: June 19, 2001 at
Reason:
DO NOT contact this former employee.
DO NOT accept packages from this employee.
DO NOT engage in conversation if encountered at .
If Dave contacts you: and call Dwayne.
Personal belongings: Held in server room (corner, cardboard box labeled “DAVE — DO NOT TOUCH”) pending resolution of . Est. retrieval: .
References: Dwayne will not provide one.
Brenda's comment upon learning of termination: “ ”
Employee: Dave Title: CTO (June 12–19, 2001)
Effective Date: June 19, 2001 at
Reason:
DO NOT contact this former employee.
DO NOT accept packages from this employee.
DO NOT engage in conversation if encountered at .
If Dave contacts you: and call Dwayne.
Personal belongings: Held in server room (corner, cardboard box labeled “DAVE — DO NOT TOUCH”) pending resolution of . Est. retrieval: .
References: Dwayne will not provide one.
Brenda's comment upon learning of termination: “ ”
📄 INVOICE — Microsoft Azure Services — June 2001 DISPUTEDMSFT-AZURE-2001-06
MICROSOFT AZURE — STATEMENT OF CHARGES
Account: SUCK-IT- Billing Period: June 12–19, 2001
Authorized by:
Service: $
Service: $
Service: $
TOTAL DUE: $ .00
Dwayne's handwritten note: “I did not authorize this. Brenda did not authorize this. Nobody authorized this.
HOW. — D.K.”
Status: Disputed since 2001. Microsoft has not responded to fax.
Gary (landlord) aware: Yes (he heard Dwayne yelling through the floor).
Account: SUCK-IT- Billing Period: June 12–19, 2001
Authorized by:
Service: $
Service: $
Service: $
TOTAL DUE: $ .00
Dwayne's handwritten note: “I did not authorize this. Brenda did not authorize this. Nobody authorized this.
HOW. — D.K.”
Status: Disputed since 2001. Microsoft has not responded to fax.
Gary (landlord) aware: Yes (he heard Dwayne yelling through the floor).
📄 LEGAL CORRESPONDENCE — v. Suck IT Consulting ACTIVELegal-2001-A
RE: Matter of v. Suck IT Consulting Inc.
Dear ,
My client, , categorically denies all allegations regarding the incident of June 2001.
Furthermore, the alleged was conducted within the scope of my client's role as . The was not my client's responsibility.
We request your client and return the within 30 days.
Note from Dwayne (handwritten): “The was in the server room and he knew it was there and I have a witness (Brenda).”
Dear ,
My client, , categorically denies all allegations regarding the incident of June 2001.
Furthermore, the alleged was conducted within the scope of my client's role as . The was not my client's responsibility.
We request your client and return the within 30 days.
Note from Dwayne (handwritten): “The was in the server room and he knew it was there and I have a witness (Brenda).”
📄 INTERNAL SECURITY AUDIT — Post-Incident SELF-CERTIFIEDSEC-AUDIT-2001-07
IT SECURITY AUDIT — POST-INCIDENT REVIEW
Auditor: Dwayne K. Self-Audit Date: July , 2001
Scope: Everything that Dave touched
Findings:
— access levels were
— Dave had admin access to
— The was not supposed to be plugged in
— Backup integrity:
Remediation steps completed:
✅ Changed password on main server (Post-it note on monitor)
✅ Locked server room (key lost, door now leaning against wall)
✅ Removed Dave's credentials (most of them)
⬜ The other things (pending, Dwayne will get to it)
New security measure: Post-it note on server room door reading “ ”
Audit result: PASSED (Dwayne passed himself)
Auditor: Dwayne K. Self-Audit Date: July , 2001
Scope: Everything that Dave touched
Findings:
— access levels were
— Dave had admin access to
— The was not supposed to be plugged in
— Backup integrity:
Remediation steps completed:
✅ Changed password on main server (Post-it note on monitor)
✅ Locked server room (key lost, door now leaning against wall)
✅ Removed Dave's credentials (most of them)
⬜ The other things (pending, Dwayne will get to it)
New security measure: Post-it note on server room door reading “ ”
Audit result: PASSED (Dwayne passed himself)
Unredaction subject to Dwayne's approval. Dwayne does not approve.